just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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