it was like his penis was on wheels.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
