Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
