I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
