you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
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I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
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BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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