I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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