I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You were trust falling into bushes
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
