I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
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The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize