Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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