Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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