Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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