I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
