Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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