Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
