I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
its liver damage thursday
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
