Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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