If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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