Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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