That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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