Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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