if i can run in heels then i can drive
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
