My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Bring me that man meat
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
