Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I have feelings that need drinking.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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