but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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