Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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