god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
