I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
