At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
