My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
