just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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