I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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