it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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