You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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