the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Randomize
