Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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