I'm going to jail i love you
Screwed.edu
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
