yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
All I want is dick and wine.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
