i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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