im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
