Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize