can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
