dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
