is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
