Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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