what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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