at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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