If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
