Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
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??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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