just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we're making bets on your personal life
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
