i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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