My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
