I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
