If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
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I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
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Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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