After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
