You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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