I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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