i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Sacagawea was the original milf.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
