I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
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