u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
