Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I should be sponsored by Trojan
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
