Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
