he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The struggles of a small town man whore
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
