ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
