Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
