is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize