Sry I called you an 8
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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